John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
