You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
