I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
