I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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