guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
