last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
