we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
