Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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