Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
