There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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