The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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