I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Did I show you my penis last night?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
