just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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