We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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