I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
