Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
