I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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