dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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