just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
