She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
