I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
