I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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