is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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