I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
