I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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