who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
