So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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