nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
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Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
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For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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