i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
