So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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