first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
