I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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