She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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