Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He kissed a someone with a penis
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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