She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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