he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
