He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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