You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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