i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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