Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
