that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
