she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
