Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
