Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
