So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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