If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
