TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
