I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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