hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize