Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
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We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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