I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i will never coherently bang her
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
