The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
