So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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