you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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