I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
foreskin is a definite game changer
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
