How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
It was confusing and full of hummus
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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