He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You ruined the universe
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
