Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
