you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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