WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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