I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
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I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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