Your face is a jimmy john
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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