Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
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I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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