As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
