drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
