Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
