he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Mom said you looked used
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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