are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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