where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
