If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
