I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Randomize
