I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
