And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
