Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
