Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
