Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
