thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
