Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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