I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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