She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
