Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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