Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
