What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You are the jesus of drinking
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
