Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
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I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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