when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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