I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
and you said cock pushups were impossible
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
