bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
