How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
