The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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