Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
