I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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