cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
