i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
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When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
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I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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